FAQ’s
We at the project have been working on a Frequently Asked Questions document for a few months now. It’s meant for outside penpals who have questions about beginning a correspondence, or who have come up against obstacles in their correspondence (whether of a logistical or personal nature). All of the questions that appear below are ones that we have been asked quite often, and so we thought it would be useful to outside penpals to be able to go to one place to get advice from us on these various issues. We took our time discussing and drafting responses to the questions, trying to make our answers as informative and helpful as possible. Below is the most recent draft of the FAQ’s. If you have any feedback, the collective strongly encourages you to get in touch!
Section One: Getting Started
1. I don’t know how to start, or what to say.
2. We don’t have anything in common. What do I do?
3. We’ve been corresponding for a while now, and I just don’t think we’re a good match.
4. Is it appropriate to ask why they’re in prison?
5. Do you do background checks on your inside penpals?
6. I don’t identify as LGBTTQ. Can I still participate?
7. I identify differently than my penpal. Is this an issue?
8. Are there things I shouldn’t talk about when corresponding with my penpal?
9. A lot of the materials prepared by the Prisoner Correspondence Project seem to communicate a more political or more radical perspective than I feel comfortable with; do I need to agree with the outlook of your organization to become a penpal?
Section One: Getting Started
I don’t know how to start or what to say.
It’s true that writing the first letter can be intimidating, but you probably have lots of interesting things to share, it’s just a matter of getting started. Begin with talking about who you are, why you were interested in participating in the project, what your interests are and maybe where you’d like to see this correspondence go. It’s also important to include some basic questions in your initial letter regarding boundaries your penpal might have in terms of what they feel comfortable talking about (generally or specifically regarding identity) and what kind of restrictions they have to abide by in their prison. (For more information on this, check out the section entitled LOGISTICS). Another important thing to include in your first letter is a clear idea of how often you anticipate being able to write. If it’s one letter per month, for example, that’s fine, just make sure your penpal knows that so that expectations are set from the beginning. One way to start is writing a list of questions you have for them, or what you were hoping to get out of the penpal relationship. It’s totally normal to be shy or uncertain at first – don’t let this deter you, as like with any new friendship, it will get easier with every letter.
We don’t have anything in common. What do I do?
It’s all right if you don’t have much in common to begin with. There can sometimes be a lot to learn from people whose lives are different from your own, and you might even end up discovering things that you have in common that weren’t apparent from the start. Try talking about your own life, things you’ve been interested in, that kind of thing, and your pen pal will probably want to know more about what you’ve been up to. Ask your penpal questions about the things they’ve expressed interest in, even if you don’t know much about it yourself. Just as in other social settings, getting to know people as penpals can take awhile, but the relationships you form can be really rewarding in the long run. Of course, if you’re simply not finding any common ground at all, then you always have the option of contacting us about being rematched with a different penpal.
We’ve been corresponding for a while now, and I just don’t think we’re a good match.
If you don’t think that your correspondence is working out, that’s totally fine. Let us know, and we will work to rematch both you and the inside penpal as soon as we can. You might want to write a letter to your penpal, explaining that you’re going to stop corresponding but that you wish them all the best. If you don’t feel comfortable writing them to let them know you’re stopping communication, let us know and we will write to them instead. The more notice you can give us of your intentions to stop corresponding, the better. That way we can start to work right away to find both of you a new match!
Is it appropriate to ask why they’re in prison?
This is a question we choose not to ask our penpals, and which we encourage our outside penpals to consider not asking, or to wait until this information is volunteered. For many folks inside, there can be personal experiences of trauma associated with their reason for being incarcerated. For instance, defending oneself against an attack or assault, is particularly common among women and queer and trans folks serving time, and is often related to the reason why someone is serving a sentence. In the personal experiences of those of us who are part of the core collective, this is often information that has been volunteered within the first couple pieces of correspondence after greater trust has been established. Fundamentally, no matter what the reason, it is your penpal’s decision whether they choose to disclose this information. See Do you do background checks on your inside penpals?
Do you do background checks on your inside penpals?
No, we do not screen our inside penpals. We have chosen not to do this for a number of reasons. People serving time have next to no control or autonomy over how they are represented as prisoners or as individuals. We consider it central to the intention and the politics of the project that the people we’re in touch with inside have control over how they are represented, and what people on the outside know about them. This is in part motivated by an acknowledgement of the extent of surveillance which incarcerated communities are subjected to, and the lack of privacy afforded to folks inside. We consider it important to not contribute to systems of punitive surveillance by running background checks and online searches on our inside penpals. We believe that as individuals on the outside, we can never understand the complexities of any specific case or reason why someone is inside, and we don’t try to. Our mandate is and remains to offer support to incarcerated gay, queer, trans and similarly identified folks that is not contingent on the reason for which they’re incarcerated.
I don’t identify as LGBTTQ. Can I still participate?
Our project is specifically geared at building links between LGBTTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, and queer) folks inside and outside of prison. One of the things we hear most often from our inside penpals is how hard it is to find other queer and trans people to talk with, relate to, etc. In order to respect this, and acknowledge some shared experiences of marginalization or reference points as queer, gay, and trans folks we ask that those who get involved as penpals do identify as LGBTTQ or similarly. As a project, however, we recognize that prisoner justice is not uniquely a queer or trans issue. There are other ways to get involved with us as straight allies, such as attending those events we hold for the general public, offering us help with translation, passing on info about the project to queer and trans folk you know, etc. We also have a list of non LGBTTQ-specific penpal programs available on the resources section of our website if you’d like to be matched up with a penpal through another project.
I identify differently than my penpal. Is this an issue?
Many of our outside penpals identify differently than the person they’re corresponding with. Most of the requests we receive from folks in prison simply ask for folks who identify broadly as LGBTTQ, and don’t mind how you identify beyond that. If you feel you have been mismatched, or that you or your penpal is actually looking for someone who identifies differently, please let us know and we’ll re-match you both. Keep in mind that there is a huge range of ways in which someone might identify, and that you may not necessarily understand the terms you use to refer to yourself. For instance, for reasons that are both generational, class-based, etc many folks inside who are involved in the project may not call themselves queer or necessarily resonate with this kind of identity. This process of learning and understanding is a rewarding part of correspondence and getting to know one another.
Are there things I shouldn’t talk about when corresponding with my penpal?
Refer to the section on SAFETY for a more detailed answer.
It is true that the bulk of the materials (the content on our website, the resources we put together, the writing projects we coordinate) are explicitly political; for the most part, we try and root our work as a collective in an abolitionist outlook. Abolition to us refers to a way of organizing that tries to challenge the idea that prisons keep us safe and that seeks ro reduce our reliance on prisons more broadly. That being said, we invite and encourage individuals with a range of political perspectives to participate in the project and become a penpal. It’s true that some of the perspectives we hold either as individuals or as a collective, or the perspectives among prisoners who participate in our projects and callouts, will inevitably resonate with some folks, and not with others. It’s important to us that the views and perspectives of our outside penpals is as diverse and varied as the perspectives of our penpals on the inside, so by all means get involved.
Sections on Safety, Navigating the Penpal Relationship, and Logistics to come shortly!
